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"i'm dead by then.... what have i given up? my life."

lee kuan yew

By 默默富酷

March 23^rd, 2016

a year on

it is almost a year now that lee kuan yew has passed on. he united this nation when we were kicked out of the malaya federation. he united the nation once again in his death.

united in hope when singapore was formed in 1965; united in pride when he died in 2015.

the following were excerpts reproduced from my facebook posts and a book titled “thank you mr lee”.

the space between us

first published on 22/03/2015

it was past midnight and i went to read the cards many left for lee kuan yew. i was there earlier in the day but it was too crowded. some offered words of encouragement and prayers, others gratitude and peace. some were penned with heaviness and sadness and others (usually by children) echoed a hopeful confidence. the night breeze danced the balloons and carried a sweet ripen flora scent from all the flowers.

several floors up from me, for almost two months, mister lee battles death.

a lady that beside me was sobbing softly. another elderly lady meticulously applied tape to a poster to prevent it from being blown away. a family of seven arrived, domestic helper in tow, with a card filled with words. the police guard on duty walked over and stared blankly at one of the cards. a news crew several feet away started chatting on the phone as she continued her stand-by duty.

several floors down from him, for a brief moment, i prayed for his salvation.

"i'm dead by then.... what have i given up? my life."

everything also got

first published on 23/03/2015

my father was a grassroots volunteer for most of his adult life. i fondly remembered following my father to the meet-the-people sessions at a constituency the PAP contested unsuccessfully for years. he was the secretariat and was responsible for taking notes in those brown exercise books. my father kept names and contacts of people to follow up in a tiny “555“ note pad.

i love those sessions because i will receive one dollar from my father, which I‘ll blow on the latest issue of “old master q“ (老夫子). sometimes, i‘ll get more pocket money to buy a grilled chicken wing if the session overran the usual timings.

my father would dress in all white with a black dunhill belt during events where mister lee kuan yew would grace. i would help him pin the pap badge. i vaguely remembered attending one of those events. honestly, i was more interested in the almond jelly desert at the end of the dinner than to line up to shake mister lee‘s hands.

every year, especially when he was less active in grassroots, my father would sit in front of the telly and listen to lee kuan yew deliver the national day rally. i joined my dad on most occasions, and we shared laughter at mister lee‘s wits. those precious memories still replay in my mind occasionally.

i never asked my father why he had such deep respect for lee kuan yew. my mother wasn't a big fan of the statesman and the party, and such a topic was taboo. i would probably get into less trouble if i failed my chinese 听写 than to bring up politics at home.

i know my father will be at the istana first thing today to pay respects to mister lee if he was alive today. so i did the honors and quipping my father‘s favorite quote “everything also got“ - a phrase he used to describe abundance.

it must be an uncharacteristically hot day. my eyes were moist and red. got to be the heat.

"i'm dead by then.... what have i given up? my life."

for singaporeans

first published on 25/03/2015

i had to travel for work this week. for as long as I could remember, i‘ve never been reluctant to leave Singapore for personal or work reasons. this trip though, i was especially unenthusiastic. i was at best, moody. not a persona i should be carrying given I was traveling to speak at a conference, and to network.

several people i met today expressed sincerely their condolences at mister lee‘s passing. for once, I am, and felt deeply as, a Singapore son.

i took sometime away from work to sign the condolence book at the ambassador‘s house. laid before the condolence book, the portrait of mister lee seemed so personal, so close.

a sign on the left read “for singaporeans“, my national pride swelled, so did my eyes.

i whispered to the lady watching me and asked if I could make a photo. characteristically Singaporean, she said she needed to check with her supervisor. sensing my desire to record this moment, another lady (supposedly her senior) gave me permission.

"i'm dead by then.... what have i given up? my life."

closing

first published on 29/03/2015

i watched the state funeral alongside hundreds of strangers, hearing eulogies from the lee brothers, ex-cabinet ministers and a journalist. the eulogies were punctuated with a siren that screamed nation-wide.

my thoughts were audible during the minute of silence that followed. thoughts of gratitude, regrets and above all acceptance.

the national pledge today is especially fervent and meaningful, because every word has been fulfilled.

after the live telecast, the town council helpers started to pack the flowers and gifts into boxes. i stayed for several minutes and captured the contents of several of these boxes, all filled with words of honest respect, indebtedness and appreciation.

like these gifts and words, my heartbreak at lee kuan yew‘s passing will be boxed up and stored away, but never forgotten.

bless your soul, father of our nation. mederka!

"i'm dead by then.... what have i given up? my life."

remembering both fathers

first published in “thank you, mr lee” 2015 (isbn: 9789810949693)

Lee Kuan Yew has always been a significant influence in my family.

My father was a grassroots volunteer at a constituency the PAP contested unsuccessfully for years. As a child, I followed my father to many meet-the-people sessions and grassroots events, and occasionally I get to meet Mister Lee. Needless to say, I was influenced by my father and grew fond of Mister Lee.

Every year, especially when my father was less active in grassroots, my father would sit in front of the telly and listen to Lee Kuan Yew deliver the annual national day rally speech. I would join him on most occasions. Those were the fondest memories I had of my late father.

Some of the images were taken at locations where memories of my natural father and the father of our nation comingled – SGH where both my father and Lee Kuan Yew battled and succumbed to death; Padang where my father and I watched Lee Kuan Yew many years ago, and recently without both.

Making these images allowed me to deal with a rather difficult week, but also allowed me to document and preserve the complex emotions I felt.

"i'm dead by then.... what have i given up? my life."

"i'm dead by then.... what have i given up? my life."

"i'm dead by then.... what have i given up? my life."

in quietness, there you remained.

first published on between 22/03/2015 to 29/03/2015

"i'm dead by then.... what have i given up? my life."

"i'm dead by then.... what have i given up? my life."

"i'm dead by then.... what have i given up? my life."

"i'm dead by then.... what have i given up? my life."

"i'm dead by then.... what have i given up? my life."

"i'm dead by then.... what have i given up? my life."

home

i chanced upon this clip while going through the archive of my images. i took this video of the crowd who gathered during the cortege drive pass at padang. it was raining rather heavily and the crowd kept the spirits up by singing along to “nationalistic” songs played from someone’s mobile phone.

© 2026 默默富酷

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